Zombies: Just Add Water

The holiday season always brings to mind ‘zombies’. Perhaps the Black Friday mob mentality where people regress into a less than primal state where they shell out hard earned money and risk future debt… life and limb for items that more than likel

y won’t better anyone’s life and 9 out ten times will wind up broken and or forgotten about in under 30 days. Yes, the mindless consumers out there who blend into the sea of the conglomerate herd and… I’m going to hop off my little soap box right now and get to the point. (save your economy talk for later, I don’t wanna hear it).

Zombies. Not Rob et al, but the other flesh eating type (note- Rob Zombie eating flesh is merely speculation and holds no truth that I’m aware of. I’ve never seen him eat flesh nor heard about him eating flesh in real life. Please do not sue me, I’m completely broke so after you hire lawyers and they track me down, drag me into court and you deal with all the bad publicity of trying to get money from a poor single mother who has two cats… yeah… TWO of them… with identity crisis’ and massively shedding hair… you would have really wasted your time and probably mine, although I could use the publicity so I can buy the shedding haired cat some rogain.)

So yes I am referring to the non-Rob zombies that a handful of awesome and a ton of horrible books and films are based on.

I have to be honest when I say that I haven’t seen every zombie film on the planet so there’s a very real chance that my ideas are already immortalized in book or film. Here it goes anyway;if there were a zombie outbreak, couldn’t a small community of people just board a cruise ship, or any ship, yacht, or decent sized water craft and be okay? I don’t believe zombies know how to swim, although I guess they don’t need to worry about air… they could probably just float.

Has there ever been a zombies out to sea type of flick? Zombies: The new oceanic threat. How freaking awesome would that be? It’d be like Waterworld but with a decent plot, script and acting.

How *would* you survive a zombie uprising out at sea? Think about it- people escape to the sea thinking it’s much more safe than being on land, forgetting about how zombies can actually make it out there… So you’re on a cruise ship with the population the size of a small city and you’re dealing with modern pirates out on the waters searching for food and medicine… and then ZOMBIES! Throw in the natural sea life that can totally kick your ass and you’ve got the tackiest, yet scariest film EVER! Maybe it can even be a love story. The hero winds up falling in love with the head zombie because she kind of has a thing for the whole bad boy image and FINALLY a man who likes her for her mind… heh, get it… he likes her for her brains? <- because zombies eat brains… okay, nevermind…

You have the whole film on some Titanic/Ghost Ship making due with the weapons on hand (flares, harpoons, etc). You feel you’re making some progress and then all of a sudden you witness a zombie gnawing on a shark or other sea creature… OOOH a dolphin who becomes infected! Your food source is now tainted, you’re running out weapon ideas and places to hide… Tell me oh readers… HOW do you get out of this one (throw in a scene of the hero on the sofa while the zombie sketches her Titanic (Cameron) style.

Yes my friends, I think this could very well be the zombie film of the new living impaired obsessed generation. The sequel: Zombies in Space (since not a whole lot of people are *in* space- the zombies terrorize a space shuttle crew in the first ten minutes and spend the next hour and twenty minutes floating through space until the credits role.) The space film will make 20 million its opening weekend because the water zombie flick was such a huge success. It will make an additional 40mm by the end of the run because people will purchase tickets to see if it’s really as bad as everyone is saying it is.Rich Text AreaToolbarBold (Ctrl + B)Italic (Ctrl + I)Strikethrough (Alt + Shift + D)Unordered list (Alt + Shift + U)Ordered list (Alt + Shift + O)Blockquote (Alt + Shift + Q)Align Left (Alt + Shift + L)Align Center (Alt + Shift + C)Align Right (Alt + Shift + R)Insert/edit link (Alt + Shift + A)Unlink (Alt + Shift + S)Insert More Tag (Alt + Shift + T)Proofread WritingToggle fullscreen mode (Alt + Shift + G)Show/Hide Kitchen Sink (Alt + Shift + Z)Insert Poll
FormatFormat?
UnderlineAlign Full (Alt + Shift + J)Select text color?
Paste as Plain TextPaste from WordRemove formattingInsert custom characterOutdentIndentUndo (Ctrl + Z)Redo (Ctrl + Y)Help (Alt + Shift + H)

The holiday season always brings to mind ‘zombies’. Perhaps the Black Friday mob mentality where people regress into a less than primal state where they shell out hard earned money and risk future debt… life and limb for items that more than likely won’t better anyone’s life and 9 out ten times will wind up broken and or forgotten about in under 30 days. Yes, the mindless consumers out there who blend into the sea of the conglomerate herd and… I’m going to hop off my little soap box right now and get to the point. (save your economy talk for later, I don’t wanna hear it).
Zombies. Not Rob et al, but the other flesh eating type (note- Rob Zombie eating flesh is merely speculation and holds no truth that I’m aware of. I’ve never seen him eat flesh nor heard about him eating flesh in real life. Please do not sue me, I’m completely broke so after you hire lawyers and they track me down, drag me into court and you deal with all the bad publicity of trying to get money from a poor single mother who has two cats… yeah… TWO of them… with identity crisis’ and massively shedding hair… you would have really wasted your time and probably mine, although I could use the publicity so I can buy the shedding haired cat some rogain.)
So yes I am referring to the non-Rob zombies that a handful of awesome and a ton of horrible books and films are based on.
I have to be honest when I say that I haven’t seen every zombie film on the planet so there’s a very real chance that my ideas are already immortalized in book or film. Here it goes anyway;if there were a zombie outbreak, couldn’t a small community of people just board a cruise ship, or any ship, yacht, or decent sized water craft and be okay? I don’t believe zombies know how to swim, although I guess they don’t need to worry about air… they could probably just float.
Has there ever been a zombies out to sea type of flick? Zombies: The new oceanic threat. How freaking awesome would that be? It’d be like Waterworld but with a decent plot, script and acting.
How *would* you survive a zombie uprising out at sea? Think about it- people escape to the sea thinking it’s much more safe than being on land, forgetting about how zombies can actually make it out there… So you’re on a cruise ship with the population the size of a small city and you’re dealing with modern pirates out on the waters searching for food and medicine… and then ZOMBIES! Throw in the natural sea life that can totally kick your ass and you’ve got the tackiest, yet scariest film EVER! Maybe it can even be a love story. The hero winds up falling in love with the head zombie because she kind of has a thing for the whole bad boy image and FINALLY a man who likes her for her mind… heh, get it… he likes her for her brains? <- because zombies eat brains… okay, nevermind…
You have the whole film on some Titanic/Ghost Ship making due with the weapons on hand (flares, harpoons, etc). You feel you're making some progress and then all of a sudden you witness a zombie gnawing on a shark or other sea creature… OOOH a dolphin who becomes infected! Your food source is now tainted, you're running out weapon ideas and places to hide… Tell me oh readers… HOW do you get out of this one (throw in a scene of the hero on the sofa while the zombie sketches her Titanic (Cameron) style.
Yes my friends, I think this could very well be the zombie film of the new living impaired obsessed generation. The sequel: Zombies in Space (since not a whole lot of people are *in* space- the zombies terrorize a space shuttle crew in the first ten minutes and spend the next hour and twenty minutes floating through space until the credits role.) The space film will make 20 million its opening weekend because the water zombie flick was such a huge success. It will make an additional 40mm by the end of the run because people will purchase tickets to see if it's really as bad as everyone is saying it is.
Path:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: