TristanJTarwater

Tristan is the author of 'The Valley of Ten Crescents' series and someone who is obsessed with elves. She once gave her 3.5 elf druid 'Skill: Basketweaving' just so she could take the spell, 'Beget Bogun.' Check out more of her work at backthatelfup.com

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Body Types and Physical Training

Role Playing Games 3 Responses »

May 112012

Hermes, God of Athletics and Sports.

There are approximately 640 skeletal muscles in the human body. These are the muscles that work in conjunction with your glorious skeleton to move you from the computer to the fridge and back to the computer again. I’m assuming you live like me, wrapped in a blanket, drinking coffee and wishing your kid was old enough to make sammiches.

These muscles sit between your disgusting but useful organs and your skin. They help to propel you forward, pick things up, put things down, punch that caterpillar that was sassing you, summon and then wrassle Kord, open jars, put a case of water in the shopping cart. The list is extensive. Without your muscles you would be as useless as one of those hanging skeletons you always see depicted in high schools, made from the donated bodies of dead people (at least that’s where my science teacher told us our skeleton came from).

Depending on your level of physical activity, different muscle groups on your body will be more developed than others. When my spouse was taking Eskrima (a Filipino martial art influenced by local tradition and Spanish fencing), he had huge forearms from drills with ratan sticks. He also had insanely hard shins and huge calves from kicking things. A friend from high school is a female bodybuilder. That means that periodically she has to change her diet significantly and bust her ass in the gym to achieve the definition required to place. When I was growing up on the Lower East Side of Manhattan I often heard the crazy pops and sneaker scuffs of those playing handball, hard hands and harder muscles sending a tiny rubber ball zipping across the court. Badminton players, fencers, basketball, soccer, all these sports demand a certain body type in order to best play the game.

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Bathing and Personal Hygiene

Role Playing Games 5 Responses »

Apr 272012

Even macaques like baths! What about the fighter? Image by Yosemite

Are you a night shower person or do you wash up in the morning? What’s the perfect temperature? Does a lack of water pressure cause you to scream to Kord for vengeance?

Bathing for many people is part of a daily routine. It’s a time to cleanse the body and zone out to the sound of rushing water for those of us who shower (don’t front). Baths can be used for cleaning, relaxation, medicine or ritual cleansing. And the list of accompanying products is daunting. Soap, body wash, scrubs. Sponges, those poofy mesh things, loofahs, washcloths. Razors with an infinite amount of blades. Lotions, aftershaves, shampoos, deodorants, powders. Cleaning and grooming is a huge industry, taking up shelf spaces larger than some studio apartments. And there’s always some new product, assuring you it will fizz, bubble or explode cleanliness upon your epidermis, visiting cruel doom upon germs and dead skin cells.

Cleanliness is important to all living things since filth and dirt traps and attracts bugs, germs and can affect retention of heat. The Ancient Egyptians living under the golden gaze of their sun god bathed regularly, usually in the Nile river and shaved, plucked and removed the hair from their bodies so as to avoid lice. In addition, scented oils were used to perfume the body and stave off the damage the hot sun could inflict upon skin. Ancient Greece and Rome encouraged regular bathing and with great scientific strides were able to create aqueducts, extensive plumbing systems and built public bath houses so that everyone could be clean. Private baths were for the rich who could afford the servants and slaves required to haul clean water in and carry used water out. For many people throughout the ages bathing meant a visit to the local river, which was also the local waterhole, laundromat and sewage dump. Did I mention waterborn diseases were a common cause of death?

Public bathhouses all over the world are a place where everyone is on the same level. All are naked, no telling signs of rank, class or profession adorning people for the most part. In many public bath houses the individuals are required to scrub in order to cleanse the skin and rinse before they step into the communal bath. Everyone is trying to get clean and relax, talking, enjoying the warm water and time spent away from work. In Japan they call this ‘naked communion,’ as the state of being naked allows strangers to let down other barriers.

Popularity: 3%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Taxes and Fees

Role Playing Games 6 Responses »

Apr 202012

'Paying the Tax' by Pieter Brueghel the Younger. Even in the 1600s, BONED.

I don’t do our taxes. This is because when it comes to numbers my brain has a hard time keeping them straight and tends to mix them up. I can also be a very paranoid person and the idea of incurring the wrath of the federal government for failing to carry a one fills me with dread. I don’t try to conquer my issue or face my fear. My spouse is insanely better at this kind of thing so I let him handle it. If someone has to invent a race of mangrove-forest dwelling fish people, huzzah! I am here to serve. But numbers and finances? No thank you.

Most of us think of taxes as an imposition to the lifestyles we wish to lead and the money we wish to have. The car! Sales tax. That first sweet paycheck! Decimated, if you’re lucky. The money we earn for the work we do is picked away to pay for things such as the military, education, infrastructure, the salaries of public servants and other things both needed or deemed necessary.

People in power have been collecting from those lower in class than them for thousands of years. The first known system of collecting taxes was in Ancient Egypt where the pharaoh would collect labour or goods from the citizens in order to fund building projects, the temples, military expidentures and otherwise keep Egpyt running. The Rosetta Stone was actually a tax document. The gathering of goods, money and hard work from the peasants in exchange for protection and recourse during rough times marched on through the ages. Not paying your taxes could be reason enough to be thrown into a dark prison. Not wanting to pay them has paved the way for many a revolt or revolution. Those who pay the taxes want to see them used wisely and when funds appear to be misused, things get ugly. Those who collect the taxes want them and on time, the consequences for failing to pay given in abundance. People want their money, whether they earned it or ordered someone to give it to them.

And let’s not forget the tax collector, an agent of the government but one of the people, a traitor to their class but a tool for the powers that be. Or maybe not? Maybe they love collecting the taxes. Caught in the middle, they are put in the perfect opportunity to pull a fast one on someone.

Let’s face it. Some of the services paid for by taxes are quite useful but they’re a source of grief and contention for many of us. What does an adventurer’s W-2 look like?

Popularity: 4%

Tax Day Got You Down? How About TWELVE Free Fantasy E-books?

Literature No Responses »

Apr 172012

Taxes are not the most fun thing to do. So 12 Fantasy authors decided to get together and offer their books for FREE today, April 17th 2012 to go easy on your wallet and brighten your day. WHOA!

More details here: 12 Day Free Fantasy. Happy reading!

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Death and Funerals

Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Role Playing Games, System Neutral 4 Responses »

Apr 132012

Momento Mori. Especially Adventurers.

If you’ve made it this far in life and haven’t had to deal with the death of someone close to you, then I am counting you among the lucky. Unless this is because you and your family and friends are otherworldly entities who can suck the life force from other creatures, thereby rendering you immortal, in which case, what the ****?

The fact of the matter is that life and death are linked together. Modernity means we aren’t exposed to it every day the way our ancestors were, but it’s there. People die every day. The living things surrounding us are constantly locked in a battle to survive which means something must give up the ghost. The food you eat whether derived from animal or plants? That’s a big mouthful of death, converted to energy so we can live a bit longer.

But we don’t hold funerals for sandwiches (though some of us might pray over our food before we send it to the glorious tomb of our bellies) or the weeds we pull in our gardens. Not every death is commemorated with ceremony and solemnity. Rituals for the dead for the vast majority of us are reserved for those we have connections with, either emotionally, spiritually or financially. We might attend a state funeral for a fallen civil servant or watch the news coverage of the procession for a fallen media personality. A great deal of us would be okay with having a small funeral for a beloved family pet. But there is always a connection that causes us to want to commemorate the passing in some way.

Every living thing dies. And how people view death, commemorate the departure of a being and console those left behind is one of the most important tenets of culture. Most every religion deals with what happens after we die and every culture has its proper way to deal with the dead. Taboo, superstition, faith, science, ecology, health and psychology all intertwine as people gather around the deceased and send them off to the next life or oblivion.

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Time and Deadlines

Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Role Playing Games, System Neutral, Table Top No Responses »

Apr 062012

The clock is ticking! Uh...I mean dripping. Photo courtesy of Marsyas

Deadlines are terrible and inspiring. Terrible because of the feeling of dread they can instill in us as we are pushed towards them. Inspiring because they require us to finally act. Whether it’s a word count by the end of the workday, all our errands completed before dinner or defeating the Fire Lord before a comet will enhance his elemental power, time limits increase the sense of urgency and lend gravity to a situation. As humans most of us tend to divide the day, the year and our lives up into bundles that we try to dole out proportionately to the things we want to accomplish, setting goals along the way. Married by age thirty, five kids and a chinchilla farm by age 40, all the kids out of the house and five chinchilla farms by age sixty-five at the latest. And when our plans don’t go the way we wish and we don’t hit our goals, we tend to flail and either give up or reassess our goals and make new ones.

Adventurers don’t have to be gifted with all the time in the world to get things done! Why should they? A change in the seasons could mean the adventurers need to return before the end of autumn or be trapped behind treacherous mountains. A campaign set in space could have a certain amount of days before the origin and destination fall out of alignment, making travel between the two bodies difficult or even impossible. Many cultures have auspicious times for things and there are always holidays and other important events that might be the cutoff for return meaning that even if the goal was accomplished or the goods acquired, the buyer might already be gone or the need diminished. Even worse, natural items are liable to spoil.

Time limits can be even more immediate. Things like sinking ships, burning buildings, changing of the guard or a procession going down a street can all put time limits on PCs. Choices have to be made and sometimes, sacrifices. When pressed for time some of the best and worst decisions can be made. Which ones will the PCs make?

For GMs:
-Decide how you are going to keep track of time. Is it something that is going to take a certain amount of rounds? Days? Months? Keep a calendar for longer periods of time and be clear how much time is remaining for the quest. State how much time is remaining at the beginning and end of each session so everyone is on the same page.
-How does the culture keep track of time? Do they use a solar calendar? Lunar? What is the length of a work week? The length of a month(However, use a straight up Gregorian to keep track Out of Game. Or you’ll be wondering if it’s the Moon of Horses or the Moon of Turtles, get frustrated and TPK everyone)?
-Who created the calendar? Was it made by the church to reflect holy days? By the state to reflect the agrarian year? A combination of both?
-How many seasons are there and how long are they? How does the weather change for each season and how does this affect things like travel, availability of lodging, Are there blizzards in the winter? Monsoons in the summer? Sandstorms in the autumn?
-If the PCs complete their task but not in the time required, what are the consequences? Will there be a second chance? Will it affect them or others? Loss of money? Loss of reputation?
-Who keeps track of the time? Does every city, town and village have a person or organization that keeps track of the passage of time? Is it displayed for all to see?
-How is the day broken up? What kind of time-keeping instruments are utilized? How accurate are they? How available are they?
-What makes up a day? Is it sunrise to sunrise? Evening to evening?
-Different countries might have different calendars, different clocks and be in different timezones. Not to mention that time may pass different in locations under the power of certain energies.

Popularity: 1%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: COCAINE BOLOGNA

Role Playing Games 1 Response »

Mar 302012

The other day I was emailing one of my illustrator friends about doing a cover for a story I’m working on. She asked for a photo reference so like most of us, I hopped onto Google Image Search to find something I can send. Typing in ‘Puerto Rican Detective,’ I then hit ENTER, given a barrage of results within less than a second as Google proudly stated As I scrolled through, one of the pictures caught my eye as being kind of gross. It looked like raw flesh being pulled apart, and within the sickly pink meat was something wrapped in plastic wrap. I tried to ignore it and continued my search. But curiosity got the best of me. I clicked on the pic.

You don't want to know what they've got going with the Ham Sandwich.

It turns out the terrible picture was of a KILO OF COCAINE which someone had attempted to smuggle into the country by hiding it in a LOG OF BOLOGNA. I…I didn’t know what to do. The idea in and of itself wedged itself into my mind. Once seen, never unseen. So gross and bizarre. BIZARRE. I mean, seriously, what was the conversation leading up to this?

‘Hey, I’ve got this kilo of cocaine I need to send to someone. What should I do?’

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Friends and Family

Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Role Playing Games, System Neutral 3 Responses »

Mar 232012

Geeky Family! See the resemblance?

As much as I like to joke that I have no friends and that I moved 3,000 miles away from the East Coast to get away from my family, the fact remains that I do in fact have both of these things. My spouse is one of the most misanthropic people I know but he still is an amazing son, brother, and spouse and stays in close contact with his best friends from High School (yes, they gamed together). It is very rare indeed to find someone who doesn’t have one friend or family member to speak of. Everyone short of the extremely unfortunate or the extremely self-sufficient has connections to someone.

Oh wait, I forgot to add adventurers to that list.

Many an adventurer embodies the traits and characteristics displayed on their sheets or stacked in their cards, maybe with a bit of back story to explain why the character is the way they are. These lone island characters form a kind of mobile archipelago, slaying and sorting and roving through the land, forming a camaraderie (or hating each other but having to go on for the mission) of sorts as they travel across the land and battle map.

But unless you emerged from some cosmic egg, you came from somewhere. Even if those who gave you your DNA left you on the doorsteps of the monastery or out in the woods, characters come out of whatever births things in their species (usually a female. Maybe an egg was involved…you can leave the gory details off the character sheet). Even the deities generally have siblings and in many cultures the main catalyst for moving out of the family home is marriage. None of this moving out after wizard training with the friend you took ‘Small Magical Animals 101’ with. Families are the first institution we are born into and many other institutions model themselves on the family. The hierarchy and relationships between parents and children are both natural and social constructs that play out in interesting, fulfilling, and frustrating ways.

Our families have a hand in creating us, both through nature and nurture. I’m not just referring to paternal hair color or a sixth toe every two generations. Some habits we pick up through contact; others are encoded into our being so that even if we’ve never seen or haven’t spent much time with various relatives, we can still display mannerisms or ticks. As a child, my mother often commented on things I did that reminded her of my father, which was strange given the amount of time I had spent with him at that juncture (not much).

Families also come in many forms. Any combination of parents and children are possible, not to mention the cultural dictates of who is in your immediate family. Beyond my spouse, spawn, and myself, I consider not only my parents but their spouses, siblings, half-siblings, aunts, uncles, and their children all as my immediate family, as well as my grandparents. Family isn’t always just the people you live with. It can be people who live very far away but who hold a special place in your life, who raised you.

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Street Food

Role Playing Games 5 Responses »

Mar 162012

Okay. I'm totally hungry.

When I was a kid my family and I flew from New York City to Puerto Rico for a funeral. It was November so we arrived in San Juan dressed in thermals, jeans and other vestments really not suited for the tropical weather. Upon arriving in San Juan we then had to drive for what seemed like forever in cars that lacked air conditioning from San Juan to Manati. Google Maps puts it in at 45 minutes but when you’re 11 and wearing NYC winter clothes in PR it feels like an eternity. My mom was unyielding regarding my requests to change clothes, please, I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT, I am melting and doom, doom for me. Somewhere in what seemed like the eight millionth hour of our travels we stopped at a cuchifrito.

Alcapurrias, empanadas and whole green coconuts quickly made their ways into our hands and into the vehicles of our tios and titis. Fried fritters of dough made from flour or mashed plantain, filled with ground meat seasoned with cumin, coriander, fresh garlic, onions, achiote and cilantro. The delicious food pacified my childish grumpiness until we arrived at the house of one of my thousand relatives where I promptly changed into shorts and a t-shirt, eager to fall upon the task of getting a green coconut open to see what was inside. An aunt’s quick whack with a machete revealed that inside a coconut was really nothing all that interesting or delicious. When we went to the beach there were crunchy, salty bacalaitos to eat and iced treats, coquitos and piraguas. Driving around we saw people selling coconuts to drink, mangoes, sheets of pork crackling, all fresh and delicious. Of course, once we were back in NYC a majority of these foods were available. The corner cuchifrito offered a lot of these foods and more to appeal to the palettes of the neighborhood population who still want a alcapurria hot from the oil even if it’s cold outside. I seem to remember the food in Puerto Rico being better.

Popularity: 2%

Reality Makes the Best Fantasy: Alcohol (Not the Rubbing Kind)

Dungeons & Dragons, Pathfinder, Role Playing Games, System Neutral, Table Top 5 Responses »

Mar 092012

Alulu Beer Receipt from 2050 BC

Alvaro watched as the colorful hummingbirds drank deeply of the trumpet flowers, their wings a blur as their heads disappeared into the purple blooms. The High Summer Festival had filled the city with people from nearby villages, here to perform the rites and take their vows at the temple,before the Altar of Fire. The incense from the braziers wafted down, sweet and intoxicating, inviting all the travelers inside out of the hot, humid streets

Before him was the large jug of Fire Wine his mother had brewed. All the priestesses brewed the sacred wine and kept the recipe a secret but children doled it out around the temple. A donation into one bowl meant a sip from the other and a sip had to be taken before one could speak before the Sun God. It put fire in one’s belly and melted the fear away, allowing those who partook to speak freely and without falsehood before their god. It was used to purify as well, sprayed in the faces of those accused of wrongdoing, poured over wounds and used to incite flames. Alvaro could smell the alcohol wafting up on the humid breeze and it made him sway on his feet. This was strong stuff.

Popularity: 2%

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