Jul 222011

Shhh!  Don’t tell your GM I’m letting you in on this little secret!  I’ve stumbled on the easiest and most reliable way to have wealth beyond your (character’s) wildest dreams!  All you need is a high fantasy setting and one, possibly two magic users. Here’s what you do in 8 easy steps.

  1. Spend a few years (in game terms, we call this character creation – it takes about 45 minutes in real life) boning up on your wizarding/warlocking/summoning skills.
  2. Now that you’ve mastered the magics, you really only need two spells.  Summon Water and Freeze.  You’ll need the ability to get water to where you are, and then make it very, very cold.
  3. Take a journey from the city/town/tavern/slum/wilderness that you’re character will inevitably start off in. If there are others nearby dressed like they’re about to go on an adventure, ignore them.  You want to be rich, not popular. On this journey, head to the warmest, driest place you can find which inexplicably has a vast and wealthy kingdom smack dab in the middle of it’s biggest desert.
  4. Go the middle of the largest public square in this sweltering yet bustling city.
  5. Summon as much water as you can. Put it in cups, buckets, flagons, and other handy containers.  Then, and this is the key part, freeze it.
  6. Congratulations! You’re now the only ice seller in the middle of a vast desert empire who has an unlimited supply of cold water.  Within a matter of hours the local despot will show up and either hire you, or enslave you. Either way, you end up in a nice cool palace, surrounded by wealth and doing magic all day. You’re 80% of the way there.
  7. Once you’re established in the palace and all buddy buddy with the despot, have the artisans craft a large beer mug.  Put a small beer mug inside of this large beer mug.  Fill the large beer mug with water until the small beer mug is floating about an inch from the top.  Freeze that water, and then fill the small beer mug with beer.
  8. You’ve just invented cold beer. Now, you will truly be wealthy.
  9. Bonus – figure out how to summon fruit juice or beer directly, and halve the time it takes to make it to the top.

And now for the unrelated plug.  I have an RPG based around sock puppets which needs your love. Please check it out. Thank you.

About Ben

I'm a geek. A nerd, a dweeb, whatever. Yes I owned garb, yes I still own medieval weaponry. And yeah, I could kick your butt in Mechwarrior the CCG. I love video games, role playing games, tactical board games and all forms of speculative fiction. I will never berate someone for wanting to be a Jedi and take everything Gary Gygax ever wrote as gospel. Well, all of this but that last bit.

  7 Responses to “How to become fantastically rich in a high magic fantasy setting”

  1. Given that I’m working on a campaign setting involving a city in the middle of a vast desert (sandandsteam.wordpress.com), this is relevant to my interests, and indeed, the interests of the magical overlords of said city. They will be contacting you soon.

  2. Tell them I take both gold, and silver. Little umbrellas are extra.

  3. If the players have access to that magic, enchanters that make magic items surely would as well. The idea is sound as a venture, but as a DM it’s my job to make it a plot hook. The enchanters’ guild certainly wouldn’t like anyone horning in on their business. Also this sort of monopoly/manipulation screams organized crime.

  4. I wrote this to be tongue in cheek. I don’t expect people to actually wrangle vast riches out of their GMs by summoning water and making it cold. :)

  5. Also, buy ladders, break them, sell 10 foot poles.

  6. Of course, if your local despot likes the idea, the neighboring despot will, too. He might be content to have his own wizards research the arcane ways of creating cold beer, but he might also decide it’s better to kidnap you – or go to war and conquer that pesky neighbor forever.

  7. An ever-full mug of beer would work as well, right? Those are handy little things.

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