Apr 212010
 

I’m gearing up to start my zombie apocalypse high fantasy rock and roll lifestyle campaign.  In doing so, I’ve been sifting through the various monsters available for my hapless party to wander into when they’re not fending off hordes of hungry undead, irate clergy or their own chaotic neutral thief. I came to realize that there are a few monsters I’d love to throw at or near the party but they just don’t exist.  Yet.

Something – anything – that eats rust monsters.  I’d gladly give this beastie a pass, even if it had taken down the party cleric.  Hell, I’d pay it big money to follow my group around as we ALWAYS seemed to encounter those damned rust monsters at the worst possible time.

Vampire (Emo) Super strength, super speed, puppy dog eyes and the ability to charm young females and cast group sleep on young males.  The kicker?  Throw a Belt of Masculinity/Femininity on this creature and . . . nothing changes.

Beaker, from the Muppets He tags along with the party trying to assist but just ends up causing explosions and general mayhem. He can’t be killed and will only leave the party when he finds a larger, more professional looking group.

Every hit to the blob-like Experiencinator causes it to grow slightly larger and lash out with it’s lone pseudopod for 1 point of damage.  It also causes it’s CR to increase by 1/4 and it’s HP to increase by 4.  The Experiencinator has damage reduction (all) 10.  As it grows larger and angrier, it becomes worth more XP to the party and becomes harder to kill, making it a more tempting target for the party to attack, making it worth more to the party and harder to kill.

The Nickelback The four headed minor deity has no direct attack and does no damage.  It incorporates itself into dungeons by melding with the physical structure of rock or metal and then vibrates for 3 minute intervals creating “Songs”.  It should be noted that it is not actually composed of rock or metal.  Every 3 minutes there is a 2 second pause and then the Nickelback creates a new “song” which sounds exactly like every other “song” it’s ever created. Can drive dungeon inhabitants into a frenzy of rage and pain, causing even docile cretures to attack the party on site.

Penumbral Ambulator Literally – a walking shadow. The name is so cool, I’ve never been able to pass up this creature, although all it could really do is wander around and make shadow animals off your campfire and pretend to punch you.

[tags]rpg, ben’s corner, monsters[/tags]

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About Ben

I'm a geek. A nerd, a dweeb, whatever. Yes I owned garb, yes I still own medieval weaponry. And yeah, I could kick your butt in Mechwarrior the CCG. I love video games, role playing games, tactical board games and all forms of speculative fiction. I will never berate someone for wanting to be a Jedi and take everything Gary Gygax ever wrote as gospel. Well, all of this but that last bit.

  6 Responses to “6 monsters that should exist but don’t.”

  1. Penumbral Ambulator. Awesome name. They could be trained to fight each other. Y’know? for money.

  2. I also really like the Penumbral Ambulator. I’d probably use it as a plot hook somehow, but it’s definitely something I’d like to see used, somehow.

  3. I’m certainly going to try it in my campaign now that I’ve gone all public with it.

    Scott – close your eyes for a sec….

    Perhaps you could have a +1 Sword of the Shadows! It sounds all cool but really it’s a +1 sword with an annoying Penumbral Ambulator attached to it. :D

  4. I like that I’d consider two of these to be monsters which shouldn’t exist but do…

  5. I love the Penumbral Ambulator, great name, great power. Next time I have the opportunity I think I’ll have one mess with the party.

    As for The Nickelback, Amen.

  6. I think if I ever have another child their middle names will be Penumbral Ambulator. I’ve been toying with that name for years now.

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